Oh yeah. Tuesdays.
I actually watched this game. Kinda. I was upstairs playing Civ 5, because I refuse to relearn Civ again just to get fancier graphics, and then Lisa, my wife, a woman who actually puts up with my crap on a daily basis and has for over a quarter century now, so honestly boys, quit your whining, she looks at me and says “don’t you recap Tuesdays or something” and I’m like “yeah” and she’s all like “then shouldn’t you have the game on or something” and I’m like “this kind of back talk would totally get you killed in the Bible, woman” but then I went downstairs and turned on the telly anyway and started composing this sentence which is literally like seven run-ons at once.
It was the third and the Slavic god of folting, which is the birthing process of centaurs, walked Carlos Santana, but not the “Black Magic Woman” version, and then that guy with the highlighted mini-dreads in CF singled in someone else to tie it up. But then animal husbandry half horse men god got one of his many double play balls, which made the booth guys happy, but made the stats guys roll their eyes about BABIP.
Then the game went into a nobody-hits zone, and Preston Tucker continued to be “not the Black Magic Woman” version of Preston Tucker too, and Ronald Acuna hit a monster shot in Gwinnett, so that’s going to start again I’m sure. Somewhere along the way I was getting bored and surfing my phone, because at heart I’m 13 year old girl with a penchant for cursing like a sailor, but not a Sailor Moon, because seriously guys. That’s creepy.
The Folts-singer dude somehow made it through six, and the booth guys were like ERMAHGAH HE WENT SIX FULL!! and the old guys that remember when that was actually just a “quality start” rolled their eyes.
There followed a seven year war of eye rolling.
Gabe Kapler started doing that USE ALL THE GUYS! thing he does and in the seventh Petey Moylan came on for Atlanta. Lisa looks up from her book and just randomly pipes “that guy looks like he should be a college professor at a small university, but maybe he’s got a dark secret and turns into a werewolf on the full moon.” And after 25 odd years, I’m well aware that this is going to be the absolute peak of my night, so I turned it off and went back upstairs.
Apparently Jose Ramirez blew it up in the 10th and we lost. Sorry.
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